Moving Through Endings And Beginnings

In February this year, I had attended an art therapy weekend at a Health and Wellbeing Meet-Up group. It was named appropriately for me at the time as this year has been a transition from last year by putting my focus back into expressing myself through art. It encouraged us all to share our experiences of our trials and tribulations through being creative and having the chance to talk about them to each other in a safe and supportive environment. We had guided meditation at the beginning of each session to help us re-connect back into ourselves. Some people there had not been in touch with their creative side since school years and others were more experienced and qualified. It was a relaxing and non-judgemental atmosphere which worked wonders for our confidence and self-esteem.

The art therapy lasted from Friday until Sunday. It was nice connecting with others and I found most of us slept better afterwards. Since then, I have been trying to work independently when ever the mood takes me. I managed to create a few finished pieces which is quite an achievement as I have not been feeling up to my usual standard of self the past three months. I thought by blogging about when times felt happier and lighter it would help lift me up and appreciate how far I have come with the help of others around me. It can be challenging for me to focus and put my mind into my art at times. When I feel good about myself the creative side comes out easier.

I do love my hot drinks. I visited an art café on my own before each session started at 10am. That is early for me to be in town. Something really has to be worth it to get up for at that time. It is an independent café where you can see the owners’ art studio and they have artwork up for sale and a mural. The café is called ‘Bon Papillon’ in Edinburgh’s Howe Street. I never knew about the place until now. I ordered a latte then I was told to pay at the end. So I went to the end of the counter. They actually meant to pay when I had finished! I got a laugh out of that. I said, “It is first thing in the morning. I am not awake yet.” (I actually was after a walk in the fresh air to get there.) A bit awkward, but it broke the ice as everyone tends to keep them selves to themselves. It is a small café and there was only one other customer on her own. It was a good start to the day.

I caught up with a new friend of mine when the art therapy weekend ended for a chat at Starbucks. She text me beforehand saying to meet there. I said, “I thought you did not like Starbucks.” She replied, “It is okay.” She ordered a hot chocolate for herself and treated me to a macchiato. She brought the macchiato over to our table in a small espresso cup. I was surprised at the size of it. I usually have the caramel macchiato as you get a proper sized coffee. She said “That is what you wanted.” I should of said ‘Caramel Macchiato’. The menu has changed slightly. I was too focused on our friendship and conversation to really care whether I got the one I wanted or not. I know I have found a friend I can soon be myself with. I am not one to sit with my phone in company. I feel it is important to give my undivided attention to someone.

I want to have deep friendships, but inviting an acquaintance/friend to get together for coffee sometimes makes me feel vulnerable. I often ask myself, how do people really see me? What if they do not like me anymore? What if I say the wrong thing unintentionally? The thing is, I do not always click with everyone I talk with even if I really want to as it is very challenging for me to start and maintain conversations, but through taking the risk to reach out and share my life with others, I have met some wonderful and understanding people who have changed my life for the better.

Hope you are all well.


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